i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
