like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
