I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
