new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
