Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
