Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
