im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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