people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
