"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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