Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Randomize
