I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
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