I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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