Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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