Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
