i jhust puked up my retainher.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
