someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
