if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
