Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
