We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
