the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
