Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
