I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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