Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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