Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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