Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
