dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Randomize
