just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
