Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
