i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
