Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Randomize
