if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
