Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
