how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
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