I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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