discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
