so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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