tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
