Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
