Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
