my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize