you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Randomize
