im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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