Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
