you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
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