I like my sex mixed with concussions.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
