I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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