I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Randomize
