that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
