So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
