I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
That's how pantless uber rides happen
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
