Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Randomize
