your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
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