Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
