I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
What did we do last night that was yellow?
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
