What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
